I am...

I am thankful. This has not always been an easy walk for me.

I am disappointed. We have missed family gatherings, weddings, dinner engagements, birthday parties, and holidays because of shift schedules and overtime.

I am patient. There have been dinners spent at the firehouse waiting for him to return from a call while the food gets cold.

I am nervous. I awake at 3:00 A.M. hearing creaks in the house and don't have the comfort of my husband beside me.

I am tired. The yard needs attention, the light bulb has burnt out, the trash is overflowing and there is no relief in site because he is on a seventy-two-hour shift.

I am jealous. Jealous of all the women whose husbands came home at 5:00 P.M. to have dinner and hold them at the end of their day.

I am worried. I worry that he may not come home one day. This I try to tuck away.

I am content. I love having him home for 4 days in a row. It is the greatest freedom we have ever known.

I am incompetent. There was a time when I considered myself moderately intelligent. I now struggle to remember how many days he has been gone, how to fix a leaky faucet, and, occasionally, if I fed the dog.

I am waiting. Knowing the phone may one day ring for me.

I am doubting. Doubting that God hears all my prayers. Doubting I am the kind of wife He needs me to be.

I am trusting. Trusting that my husband will come home again and that God will calm all of my emotions with his unconditional love.

I am confident, I am embarrassed, I am lonely, I am surprised, I am overworked, I am underpaid.

I am...The Fireman's Wife.